So, this weekend was definitely filled with a lot of ups and downs. Friday, I paid some bills, David and I stopped for dinner instead of me making it. We went to Fazoli’s. It was good, but not as good as if I would have made it at home. Their bread sticks are like crack, so I only got the 2 that came with my meal. I also opted against the garlic butter I usually get. My only complaint was that their side salad was more of a non-existent salad. Seriously. If it weighed more than 2 oz without the dressing, that would be completely surprising. I then went to my meeting that night. The topic was “Surrender vs. Acceptance: If we surrender, do we have to accept it, or are acceptance and surrender the same thing?” I mostly zoned during the meeting. I don’t know. I just felt like it wasn’t clicking with me that night. I went to fellowship after the meeting and then had to fast for the rest of the night because I was having blood work done the following morning.
Saturday was an early day for a weekend. I had to get up early, take David to drill, and then go get my blood work done. I was so hungry. Well, at least I thought I was. Who know? It could have been just thirst masking itself as hunger. When I finally got into the room to have my blood drawn, I told the lady where she needed to draw. Her response – “I will determine that.” Um, HELLO! I have been having my blood drawn for ages and I am fairly certain that I know which vein is the best one to drain me of my vital fluids. I so wanted to smack her. I should have asked for someone else. It didn’t dawn on me at the time to do it.
After the blood work, I went to Perkin’s for breakfast. I will say one thing about Perkin’s – their healthy breakfast menu is lacking. I ended up ordering an Mediterranean omelette with a side of fruit and a HUGE bowl of oatmeal. See, I asked if I could substitute the oatmeal for the toast and that isn’t possible. So, what they do is take away the toast for $0.35 discount and then charge you $2.99 for the oatmeal. Yeah. And, I just wanted a small bowl of the stuff. I got a bowl of oatmeal that would have fed 2 people. Seriously. It also came with dried cranberries, brown sugar, and milk. I told the waitress to just take the brown sugar right on back. I debated about the cranberries and decided against them since, most of the time, they are coated in sugar. I didn’t use the milk because I’ve never used milk in my oatmeal. I know there are people who do that, but not me. YUCK! I just asked for some butter and used a packet of the Equal Suclarose.
I went to the North-side 10 am meeting. The meeting discussed Step 5. It was much needed.
For lunch, David and I went to IHOP. I ended up having yet another omelette because a salad didn’t sound good to me. I ended up eating the Colorado omelette with extra salsa and fruit. It was good and it felt like a good decision.
After lunch, I took David back to his unit and waited until 2 to call one of my sponsors. I told her how I was feeling and she helped put things into perspective. (She’s really good at that). See, I weighed myself earlier that morning and I weighed 286.8 I was very much beating myself up because I only lost like 3 pounds. She reminded me that I’ve lost 10 pounds since I started weighing myself once a month in March. That’s an awesome achievement. I know my doctor is going to be happy when I go see her on the 20th, too. My sponsor said that I have to tell how much weight I’ve lost since March at the meeting tomorrow. I told her how I felt I wasn’t doing something right in regards to my food. She suggested that, instead of writing down what I was planning on eating the next day, I should write down what I am actually eating. So, I started that yesterday.
Dinner – what did I have for dinner? Damn! I don’t remember. OH! I had Papa Roux. I had 1/2 a roast pork po-boy with no bread and no rice (that means it came with cole slaw, the pork, and Papa’s vouxdoux sauce). I also had 3 sides – 2 mushroom etoufees and 1 tomato creole stew.
We went home that night, watched something on TV (I just don’t remember what), and went to bed. I decided against going to my club meeting and the party I was supposed to go to. I just needed to be away from people for a while.
Yesterday, I got up early with David so I could take him to drill. I then went back home, had breakfast, and took a shower. Why, oh why, do I hate taking showers. I feel so much better after one. But I do hate expending the energy. Weird. After my shower, I went to church. I went back to the Community of Christ. It was a good service about listening to and spreading the Good Word. It was also the first Sunday, which meant that it was communion Sunday, too. I haven’t taken communion/sacrament in over a month. It was good that I could. After church, they had a pitch-in and I got to hang out with the people that I haven’t seen in forever. They so accepted me back with open arms and no questions asked. It was amazing. I actually cried at one point. It’s going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things, but I know that it’s where I truly belong.
I’ve also been doing some serious thinking about the LDS/Mormon church. I am thinking about removing my name from the records. This will be me excommunicating myself. I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t. I don’t know how to even begin. I don’t want to out David as he is a member, too. I’ve just put myself in a very difficult situation and I really don’t see an easy way of getting out.
I think that’s it for now. It’s been a while since I’ve had a post this long.
Hope you all are well and please keep me in your prayers.